Because of his occupation, my father used to be gone for months at a time. These times were sad but somewhat exciting for my mom and I. We would take long trips to places like Colorado, Disneyland, Idaho, Montana.
Mother, thank you for the insatiable travel bug you have implanted into my brain ;P
I was never terribly upset about my dad leaving because I knew where he was, what he was up to and that he would be coming back home at some point.
At least that’s what I thought…
I remember my mother and I leaving our house right before dad got back from a job. Mom told me that she had left dad with a choice and that we were going to see the outcome of that choice in a couple of days.
I found out later that she had left him a note letting him know there were addictions in his life that were unacceptable and would not be accepted in our house. Dad had the choice to either cease his involvement in those things or he would lose his wife and daughter.
My dad chose to leave.
This left me with quite a few lies about my Heavenly Father, the God my father was created to reflect. After this incident, I believed the lie that my Heavenly Father would leave if I did something wrong. I learned that I was unworthy of my father’s attention and love because he wasn’t there when I needed him most. Because of this lack of human interaction I came to believe that I wasn’t worthy of God’s time or attention either. Ultimately, this led me to believe that I wasn’t worthy of anyone’s attention and that I had to earn my way into people’s hearts.
This lie manifested itself in the form of self abuse and a disordered way of looking at food and my body. Underneath the mountains of makeup was a mind believing I would never be good enough. Just beneath the surface of my protruding bones was a heart that bled, wounded by the absence of a father and further wounded by disbelief in a God who loved me as a Father should.
This is the story of how I lost my father but earned a treasure.
After almost losing my life to an eating disorder I realized that I needed something to fill the gaping hole my father left in his absence.
I started crying out to the God I had been told was true.
Much to my astonishment, He answered… He healed. He wiped away the tears and nursed the wounds that had been cut into my life. I was amazed to learn that He did have time for me. In fact, He craved time with His daughter! This was amazing to me. Astounding actually…
He actually wanted to spend time with His daughter. Not only that, but He wanted to fill me up where the aches were. He wanted to turn something that Satan had intended for bad into something so beautiful!
He wants to do the same thing with your story. Do not discredit His ability to comfort you in JUST the ways you need it. He wants to be what no other man, woman or child can be. He wants to fill every void.
Lay your hurts down at His feet and let Him know that you trust Him to do what He will with them. You will never regret inheriting this treasure, the one that will NEVER leave or forsake you.
Giving every pain to the God who will never leave or forsake…this is living ❤