Living Hope Ranch: A Diary of Sorts

Do You Really Think I’m Beautiful?

amIbeautiful

I tilted my head sideways, trying to look cute as I analyzed myself in our grimy bathroom mirror. “Alex, do you think I’m beautiful?” As he reached down to snatch his razor I caught a side glance of his all-too-common-lately eye roll.

“Katie, what did I tell you yesterday? And the day before that and the day before that and…”

“I get the point.” I snapped and started raking my fingers through my long hair.

“But do you…think I am?”I asked in an almost whisper. My husband sighed and set his razor on the bathroom sink.

“It’s pretty obvious that my opinion is never going to satisfy you…” He looked at me, his eyes and voice brimming with compassion, “I think you know who to talk to.” I shot him a half grin, full-well knowing what needed to be done.

“Yep, I do.”

I wish I could tell you that the illustration above does not happen that often in the Pezzutto household but that would be a big, fat lie. I ask Alex that very question, on a daily basis.

What I have found interesting about asking this question is that I am not asking him if I am beautiful. It may sound odd but the questions I am really asking are these, “Am I valuable? Am I worthy of someone’s love?” For some reason many women choose to seek worth via their looks. I am/was one of those women and can let you know, precious reader, that it will take a person no where they want to be in the long run.

After research and much prayer, I have come to the conclusion that even if I was to have the attention of the world, fame, money and flaming good looks, the world’s opinion of me would morph like flubber on a bad day. It may even get to the point that they would pick and point out my supposed “flaws” for me.

No thank you. I prefer to stay sane.

What dug me out of an extreme eating disorder and into continual glory is deepening my relationship with the Creator who made me. I try my absolute hardest to spend time with God every morning and ask Him to help me see myself through His eyes. He has revealed some crazy truths to me. Like, I have been fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139: 18), there is no flaw in me (Solomon 4:7), I will fade but His truth about me will not (Isaiah 40:8), true beauty is found with the Lord and not within myself and others (1 Peter 1:24).

Precious reader, I if nothing else sticks with you from this post, please remember this: You Are SOOOOOO Valuable! An understanding of that value comes from asking and getting to know the Lord, the Maker of you.

Spend some time asking Him how He sees you. You will be very pleased with what He says… guaranteed.

Much love,

KP

 

 

 

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2 thoughts on “Do You Really Think I’m Beautiful?

  1. Thanks again for sharing such a honest struggle of us struggle with. One way I grew in this area. Is by asking the question to the person I needed to As your husband wisely put “I think you know who to talk to.” Been there and this is what I was given.
    Psalm 45:11 For your royal husband delights in your beauty; honor him, for he is your Lord.NLT
    Our husbands are never meant to meet that need in us that is expecting too much the only one who has the answers to our deepest longings is Jesus. Such a lesson to learn when all we are taught is the opposite.

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