As a man who was once-upon-a-time very single, I can easily recall the constant guessing game of, “is she the one? Is She?” Having now been married for a year, I have found that the qualities I looked for in a wife were well-worth my while as they helped lead me to a caring, confidant, beautiful woman of God. If it’s God’s will for your life I hope this list will match up with the calling…
In light of this topic, and because my wife asked me to do it: here is my list of 4 key things that I looked for when I was scouring the land for a wife. I will say however, that this is more a compatibility checklist than specific attribute list, so apply accordingly.
1. Beauty isn’t everything!
Never satisfied are the eyes of a man. – Proverbs 27:20
What do I mean by this? I mean that the eyes of men are the first thing that are out looking about. But I also mean that just because he sees one pretty girl doesn’t mean that he doesn’t see others. It is a first impression, but by no means is it enough. Let’s move forward ladies.
2. Can You Be a Friend?
Friends before dating.
After we notice you, we will likely do the next logical thing, and that is talk to you. As we begin to get to know you and chat, we will see whether or not we actually have similar interests and whether we can hold a conversation. If so, and if after multiple occasions it proves to remain true, this may be a start to something beautiful.
“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, “What! You too? I thought I was the only one.” – C.S. Lewis
3. Do We Share Faith?
Whatever does not proceed from faith is sin. – Romans 14:23
(please take this as coming from an obviously Christian perspective because it definitely is)…if you two don’t share the same faith, it is sin and shouldn’t even be on the radar. Not only that, but I would go one step further and say the same level of faith. If one person has Jesus in their wallet to show off to their friends and the other gives away all they have to the poor and spends hours in prayer a day—that is an awful match and will lead to many struggles. Your priorities in life are vastly different. You want the same values and the same value in those values as show by how you live. Amen and amen.
4. What Are Your Dreams, Passions and Pursuits?
Where do you want to go in life?
Calling is super important. Though last on this list, it is one few people think about and will greatly affect the direction of your lives together. If one is passionate about running a clothing business in Toronto and the other to missions in Croatia, your hearts can never be mutually satisfied or your obedience to God’s calling on your life be full and complete. This isn’t to say that God can’t work with our messes, but that we should be wise in who we choose because wherever we go, we go together.
So whoever you are choosing to go this road of life with remember these four things:
Attraction, friendship, faith, and calling.
If they aren’t all playing in harmony, your band is going to sound awful and never make it very far at all. But if they can play a great tune, you may end up with a great gig that could last you a lifetime!