It’s embarrassing but I will admit to you that there are many things I am frightened by. Here’s a list for your entertainment, amusement or perhaps empathy: I am scared of being rejected by a co-worker or University Consultant, holding a baby, being within a foot of a clawed feline, smashing myself up and totaling my car in a vehicle accident, giving birth to a baby and or not having enough money to pay for rent… yep.
I can confidently say that there are many more issues that I deal with. At the very top of those many worries stands just one… one.
But that one is big enough to make all the others seem like atoms.
I can confidently say that my biggest fear is: becoming a Christian who is unconvinced and yet somehow… that, in this present moment, is exactly what I am. It’s what I have, for my whole life, been taught not to be and yet…here I are, completely unconvinced.
You may be asking, “unconvinced of what?”For crying out loud, what? What? What?!
As embarrassing as it is to admit…
I am unconvinced of the fact that God will show up in all areas of life and be all that I need in my day to day.
…that God cares because I can’t always feel Him by my side.
…that He will stay with me when I’ve done something foolish or made a very bad decision.
…that He will provide for me financially.
...that He will provide the right job.
…that He notices me even when no one else seems to.
I have effectively unconvinced myself out of the reality of who my God is…and that is terrifying. It is even more frightening then coming face to face with a cat *shudder*
I am an unconvinced Christian… but, despite how awful that sounds, there is still hope for me. There are truths, in His Word, that I can read and cling to and grow from.
There is a time frame that I can set aside every morning to spend with my God. During those minutes (and throughout the day) I have been granted access and permission to talk to my Good Father, ask Him questions and pray for the hearts of others. I can keep praying and not cease praying even when I don’t see the change that I would like to see right away. I can do that…
I can make an effort to surround myself with people who know and love Him as their Good Father, One who cares enough to provide everything included but not limited to: a way out of mental illness, physical ailments and emotional breakage.
I can convince myself to engage in activities that will pull me from my depths of being an unconvinced Christian and become One who is convinced that the God of the Bible is real and is a good Father.
I leave ya’ll with two verses that encourage me when it comes to the topic of being an unconvinced Christian…
Romans 8:38-39-“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
1 Corinthians 13:8-“Love (God) never fails…”.
That’s it folks… Love never fails. Don’t let yourself be convinced that He has failed you… He never has and never will.