I am sitting here rather patiently with a nasty couple of gargantuan butterflies flitting around in my gastrointestinal (at least one cliché is necessary in this piece of work). My monster cheese bun and pre-sliced turkey shavings are set up neatly and off to the left hand side of me. To both of sides of my computer mounds of empty zip lock containers are piled high (I eat when I’m studying okay!). Fruit flies, who are compliments of my beautiful roommates’ festering potato bag, have awakened and leapt from my lunch bag. They threaten to cover the bun and meat in a wing-y, black blanket. Yuck to the moon and back.
Despite the danger, food is second priority. Before eating, I am waiting for my hands to warm and my heart to settle. I know I have a couple of thing to ponder on.
It sucks when life isn’t easy doesn’t it? It can hurt when we must wait for the things that mean most to us. I am waiting to feel affirmed by people around me. I am waiting to feel loved by those who know me the “best”. I am waiting to have a family draw me in close and let me know that everything is going to be okay.
“I am waiting to feel affirmed by the people around me”
Will these things ever happen? Will my heart be healed from its major losses and insecurities? Maybe. But what if there’s too much to be waiting for?
I am also waiting to see what kind of grades I will be getting this semester. I am waiting to hear if I will win a spot in the University’s education program. I am waiting to know if I am good enough. Good enough? Will I ever be good enough? I need to stop waiting! When will it ever stop being a necessity? Seriously.
“Good enough? Will I ever be good enough?”
Okay. So. I don’t want this blog to be one that ends with a cute little, “everything is okay and this is how we overcome it.” I must admit that sometimes life and circumstances really sucks. That familial void may be more than our hearts can take so overwhelming at times that we don’t know what to do with it. (Run to Jesus; spend time in the Psalms). Seriously. That much I know.
“Run to Jesus; spend time in the Psalms. Seriously.”
A little piece of meat to take away from this abrupt blog post is as follows: we need to run to Jesus and try to devour our lunches before the fruit flies do.