What a disconcerting morning…
The fact that I woke up to blasts of howling wind, yapping dogs, a pounding headache and other unmentionable surprises was enough to convince me of this.
Well golly, I am living in Lethbridge and have the window to my bedroom open. Why would the torrents of air sound like anything less than a tycoon?
I leaned my pounding head back onto my pillow and sighed.
It was settled.
The goddess of monthly visitation and prince windy were officially a morphed unit of majesty. The differing points of pain I was experiencing were evidence of this: the royal pair had twined together and were tag teaming on their freshest assignment, “Make Katie Green’s life a wormy garbage pail.” Thanks guys; it’s appreciated. Oh, I forgot to mention, the dog next store wouldn’t zip its nasty little lips… “Yap, yap, yap, yap, yap!”
Much to my chagrin, I knew these irritations were here to stay and visit for a while. Really, I shouldn’t be surprised. I have been a citizen of this province for five months and will proudly don the province’s red-plates-of-glory in less than two days. That dog… well, the irritations I have with dogs follow me wherever I go.
In case you’re not catching the flopping trout of revelation I’m tossing your way I will spell it out. I am living in Alberta, Lethbridge. It is the land of rolling hills and fierce do-not-get-too-close-or-I-shall-blow-the-skin-off-your-face winds.
I thank God that He follows me wherever I go. I wouldn’t move with me to places that I move sometimes (that is an awful sentence; therefore, I point my finger and laugh at it).
If I were up north I wouldn’t move up north to be with me. You know what I mean? (The poor children I will teach one day. Oh, vey.)
In all seriousness, I think it’s pretty neat that wherever I am God reveals pieces of Himself through nature. When I was living in BC God always impressed this verse on my heart, “I look up to the hills; where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, Maker of heaven and earth.” Beautiful.
Although nowhere in in the Bible does Yahweh talk about the coulees, meandering streams and wild winds that permeate our yellow landscape there are still lessons to be learnt through this land. Today He taught me one of his lessons with the wind. As noted earlier, it was a rough morning. But not only my body was in pain. The emotional and spiritual parts of my being were wounded as well. I was “screaming” at and questioning God for past pain that have acted as catalysts to my present struggles.
Sprits of angry wind kept slamming themselves into the glass of my window. I cringed, was my fate equivalent to the disheveled wind blown victims outside my house? Would He throw dust from the streets into my face like a giant bully? I was scared to ask pressing questions of the Almighty but I knew that I must. Who else could answer my questions?
Who else could answer my questions?
I began, “If You are the Almighty and sovereign God, my caring and loving Father, why didn’t You stop the fiery arrows before they pierced the flesh of my young heart? Where were you when I was defenseless? Why don’t you stop lies that Satan speaks to me now? Lord, I don’t want to just believe that You are good; I need to know that You are who You say You are. I need to know why You allowed and allow hurts to happen.”
I need to know that You are Who you say You are.
Something inside my Spirit told me it was okay for me to ask these and many other similar questions. Although I felt permission to continue, a fear unlike any other gripped my heart. What if my only true support, God of the Universe, forsakes me?
Romans 8:38-39- popped into my mind, “And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Phew. What a truth.
I took the liberty to continue my raving for a decent amount of time. After I had finished, He whispered a message to my spirit, “Read Job 38.”
Isn’t He wonderful? My God is the Creator of wit. That verse begins with The Almighty talking to Job through a whirlwind. How special and pertinent to my current situation…
Oh God. Oh God… You’re too good.
As I read the passage my heart began to melt; His words make me feel so secure. I could feel his strong, paternally arms wrap around me.
I knew tears were falling down His cheeks, “My child. My child, my child. Your pain sears me my child. I love you Katie. I love you, I love you.”
He reminds me of what He revealed to King David in Psalm 56:8-“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.”
The warmth of His Spirit filled me. He held my heart and we wept together.
My God answered the sharp questions I brought to Him that day. He told me that His love, and no substitute, is sufficient to carry the weight of my pains. The struggles I continue to experience only draw me closer to revelations of His love for me. Through these struggles I realized that I am not self-sufficient; I never will be. I am desperately in need of the only One who will bring me complete contentment and freedom.
2 Corinthians 12:9-And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.