Writing Tips

Signed Sincerely… The Fashionable Girl?

Dear Reader,

 The strength of your words is immeasurable; you have the ability to bring something the gift of refreshing through your words. You can also bring scalding, painful death to someone. Choose wisely, please.

 Signed sincerely by,

Someone who is not fat, ugly, or rejected. Someone who chooses is going through the painful process of recovery, someone who is being healed, restored and is beginning to enjoy the benefits of Christ’s sanctification process.

I still remember the day like it was yesterday. My friend and I were out walking in the woods. All was quiet except for the occasional squirrel’s chirp or robin’s call. Much to our delight, rays from the setting sun filtered through dark pine leaves and settled gracefully on the forest floor. Our pathway was laid before us and emanating with God’s glory. I remember taking in a deep breath and sighing with relief. It had been a long day. Although my head was pounding I ignored the pain and continued pouring out syntax. After all, I didn’t want to make a bad impression on my friend. I’d always felt left out of conversation as a kid and didn’t want to lose the privilege of the “cool” Jill’s listening ear now…

Jill, ah Jill. That girl was high end and very fashionable gal. Let’s put it this way: Whenever I’d plop myself into the heated seat of her car she unfailingly have the latestversion of Vogue, GQ or some fancy pansy fashion mag propped up against hersteering wheel, her eyes furiously scanning the pages for some insight. In case you don’t know me please know this: I’m a Kootenay’s chick but I don’t fly that way. I live in the mountains. I hike. Enough said? Not really. Okay, I’ll be more blunt. I don’t dress like a model, never have and probably won’t… ever.

For some reason beyond me I remember asking her this question: “Jill, what would you say about my style?” She swept her eyes over me and replied,“Daggy. You dress… daggy.” As I made clear earlier, I am not Australian. As can be expected I did not know what the word “daggy” meant. I asked her to expand on that. She didn’t. The only response I got from her was a hasty change of topic.

 I did check the definition eventually. When I did it felt to me like the wind had been taken out of my sails. Wikipedia claimed I was, “Unfashionable, mainstream, untidy and not stylish.” Ouch. Needless to say, I’ve had to surrender this definition of myself to God and claim His truth. That’s a story for another time.

                                         “I’ve had to surrender this definition of myself to God and claim His truth.”

I’m sure all of us have similar stories that prove will my point and solidify in us the impact of negative words. I’m sure we all know that hurtful words not only sting in the moment, they also have the ability to pervade and destroy an entire life.

Anyhow, my second story happened on a warm September evening eight years ago. It’s ridiculous that even after eight years I can still hear the hush that befell her voice, feel my tightening grip on the telephone and experience the feeling of sweat as it beaded a wet band around my forehead. Above all else, I remember those piercing, ugly words, “We think you’re fat.” I remember the flush of shock as it pervaded my body. I hadn’t felt that feeling since the moment my mother told me she was “sick” or that Dad “left the family.” Wow. Ouch. Because I carried this untruth, and many others, for eight years I almost lost my life to a battle with anorexia and bulimia.

                                      “Above all else, I remember those piercing, ugly words, ‘we think you’re fat.”

All this to say, let’s be so careful with what we say to those around us, especially children! We need to encourage them with words of life and not death and destruction.

The truth of the matter is: people may think it appropriate to call it as they see it but we ought to not make hasty judgements when we experience a child who is whiny and irritating or that teen that is being a moody, uncontrolled brat. We may not see or understand it but they could be feeling pain beyond anything we’ve ever experienced. Perhaps they haven’t been taught how to express themselves. Maybe the problem is that they don’t have anyone to express themselves to…

       “Let’s not make hasty judgements when we experience that child who is whiny and irritating or that teen that is being a moody brat.”

We are called to speak words of life to the people around us, even when we don’t feel like they are deserving of them. My goodness, the fact that God of the universe wants a relationship with us is a miraculous act of His grace. We, as Christians, are not perfect by any means but we are called to sanctification (sanctification is the daily process of becoming more like Christ through being in relationship with Him. Please keep in mind this is my simplified definition. Sanctification is a beautiful and deserves a more detailed explanation).

       “We, as Christians, are not perfect by any means but we are called to sanctification.”

The more time we spend with God the better equipped we will be to live out this quote, “The kids who deserve your love the least need it the most.” And this is what the world needs: words that Jesus Himself would speak. Let’s follow in the footsteps of our big brother.

Let’s speak His words of life. 

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20 thoughts on “Signed Sincerely… The Fashionable Girl?

  1. I had/have an eating disorder on and off as well. Sometimes i feel so worthles, and so ugly. 😦 And God feels so far away, but i hope can come out of it healed like you have.

      1. Beautiful daughter of the King… not only will you come out of this. You will burst free from it with not only newfound strength and victory but a story and testimony to touch many others because our God is powerful and desires nothing more than to set you free. ❤ He wants you to see the truth about Himself and yourself. These may sound like a bunch of words but trust me, I've experienced all of it. Contrary to any false belief, this experience was not just for me. It is for you too. He loves you dearly. He wants to heal you deeply and completely. The thing is, He is a gentleman and will only do so if you allow Him to and if you spend time seeking intentionally seeking His truth about who you are.

        It is true that He desires we be still and know that He is God. However, we also have a significant role to play in our healing. We must be in His word and asking Him to reveal Himself to us! The more we do this the more strengthened the relationship between us becomes. The better we know Him, the more we come to know about ourselves and how He sees us. This is the only way to be healed ❤

        The journey of healing began for me when I realized Christ was the only one who could set me free but girl I tell ya, it was messy at first. Like I mentioned earlier, I found the only way to experience freedom began once I started reading His Word and spending time with Him. In time I learnt to poured out the nitty gritty of my wounded heart. I won't lie, sometimes I felt like I was talking to a wall. Other times I would beat myself up for "messing up again" and feeling like I wasn't doing things right. But as Him and I grew closer, my best friend Jesus taught me that he doesn't desire a perfection that I could contrive. He taught me that perfection comes from Him alone. Teary session after session I learnt to bring all my hurts, my painful past, my everything and lay it at His wounded feet. I recommend you find a room, shut the door and cry out to Him. Blubber, wail, scream at Him. Ask Him questions. He WILL answer you. He is listening. He is waiting. ❤ He longs to wrap you in the warmth of His peace and stilling embrace.

        Psalm 145:18- “The LORD is near to all who call upon Him, To all who call upon Him in truth.” He doesn’t lie. This is His promise to you my friend.

        In case you don’t know: He LOVES to hear your voice, beautiful daughter. He is looking forward to spending time with you. He wants you to be honest with Him so He can show you the truth about the lies you’ve been told and believe. The more you learn about His truths the more you will be set free.

        I remember being told my many people that I should just “get over the disorder.” Truth be told, eating disorders are usually the result of abuse, verbal and nonverbal, familial situations and a myriad of other things that are not simply healed in a night. I found that my eating disorder was not something I could not just “get over” it took healing of wounds that had been caused by parents and “friends.”

        An interesting aspect of the disorder is that at the root it’s not about the food or a person’s body. Eating disorders continue because of untruths people have come to believe about themselves.

        God will reveal what needs to be healed. The awesome thing is: He has already brought me to you, a daughter who has not only been saved but has been redeemed by His power! You may feel far from Him but this is a lie. He has never left of forsaken you. Please know that He is near to you. David tells us in Psalm 34:18- “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

        Give yourself grace. He has. Give yourself time. As it says in Ecclesiastes 3:11- “He makes everything beautiful in His timing.” God will continue to bring people to you that will help you along in this journey. Please know that I am praying over you. I am praying hard for you. He has great plans in store for you my beautiful friend. Please let me know how I can support you and lift you up my sister.

        Jeremiah 29:11-‘For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.
        His desire is to give you, His beautiful daughter, a hope and a future. He has a lot in store for you. All good things ❤

        James 1:17- “Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow.”
        He longs to give you the good gift of His freedom.

        “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:2

        The more time you spend with the Father, the more He will renew your mind. He can’t wait for you to see the beauty that He does. You’ve been fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). You are dearly loved and a princess. Nothing can take this identity from you. Romans 8:38-39 says, “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

        Your loving Father sees beyond the identity you have claimed and held onto for so long. He sees beyond the mask and loves who has made you to be. Take His strong hand and walk in light that He has invited you into His embrace. He longs to wipe the tears from your eyes so you can see clearly what He sees when you look into the mirror. A beautiful masterpiece designed by the God who is Love.

        Another tidbit in closing:

        You say you feel “worthless and ugly.” I want to speak straight to your heart and tell you that you are neither of these things because of how God sees us. We are worthy. We are worth pursuing. We are stunning daughters of the King of Kings. The King who looks at the heart and not our outward appearance. All women desire to feel beautiful… it’s interesting though, that outward beauty is not what ultimately and truly fulfills us. What God did with my healing proves this. He didn’t allow me to see and accept my outward beauty first, Instead, He built up the inner beauty and character, the things that matter to Him and for eternity. ❤

        Something else I didn't know that I want you to…if you have accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Saviour everything true of Jesus is true of you? Jesus was perfect, he walked without blemish. He was the Son of God with whom His Father was well pleased. Did you know that He has died so you don't have to live with this? I didn't know any of that when I was struggling. I wish someone had told me. I am honoured to have the pleasure of telling you this, worthy daughter. I am honoured that I have been given the privilege of letting you know little bits of truths about yourself. Thank you Jesus for this honour!

        You are beautiful. You are wanted. You are pursue by a Father who will never stop running after your valuable heart, body, mind and soul. ❤
        Although we don't know each other, I love you.

        Katie

  2. Thanks for your reply. I didn’t really expect one.. I think my disorder” started mainly because of something that happened with another person. Something that some people would call insignificant, but because of this I thought (and sometimes still think) that I wasn’t worth being around, and maybe if I changed how I looked, that would help. Other things caused insecuroties too, like being told by family members that I’ve gotten “bigger”. And being put in certain situations over the past year that I wasn’t comfortable in, and felt like I was losing control over everything, made me want to take control over something. My body. It’s hard because I am out of high school, this is something that usually happens to middle schoolers, not people my age…

    My head knows that God is listening and wants to help. But my heart won’t let Him. I’m used to putting up walls and just letting people see the me that they want to see. The girl who’s always smiling, always “good”. No one ever takes a second look and asks “no really, how are you?” If someone did that, I would tell them. Do me a favor, will you? The next time you see someone that is usually always smiling and happy, ask them how they’re really doing.

    You say that God is your best friend… How? How can you be best friends with someone who is a big invisible person up in heaven? I never understood how people could be feel close to someone who doesn’t talk back. And yes, I know He talks to us through the bible, but I read my bible and I don’t feel any different after.. :p

    I really appreciate your prayers. And you taking the time to reply.

    1. My goodness, it is my pleasure to reply to your post! 🙂 I will ALWAYS take time to reply to your messages. They are precious to me…

      I completely understand where you’re coming from when you speak of feeling like you have to be a certain way for people. I felt that way for pretty much all through middle school and high school. As a result I got into some pretty bad relationships/friendships.

      I have done some research on eating disorders.. while it seems like they are most prevalent in the teen years they still happen to men and women of many different ages.

      Please know that you’re definitely NOT alone! It’s without a doubt that people of all ages struggle.

      It breaks my heart that people haven’t stopped to ask you “how you’re really doing.” Our society is very individualistic, cold and superficial at times.. isn’t it? A good thing about our messed up society is that in it God must be put first and foremost. I’ll explain… so, what I learnt from my experience is the importance of my relationship with Christ. I learnt that that relationship must come before any others. Only when I started pouring my heart out to Him did He bring people alongside to help me out. It was a pretty awesome experience.

      Being best friends with Creator of the Universe has been the most amazing/mind boggling experience… Although it may sound like the most out-there experience it is innate and definitely the most rewarding.

      How can we develop an intimate connection with an invisible and seemingly absent Creator? Great question.

      We can develop a relationship with Him that is successful because the longing is innate in us. We desire the love He has for us. He is the only One who can complete us.

      Practically: In my experience He pours into me when I spend time with Him pouring my heart out to Him and reading His Word. The Bible is full of truths about Christ. It’s that simple… all He desires is for us to come to Him with our baggage, fears and delights.

      How I communicate with Him changes/alternates each morning. Sometimes I just rest listening to worship music. Sometimes I bawl and pound on His giant chest.. Whatever I do.. He always makes it clear that He is there. Sometimes He will flood me with me with His overwhelming peace and love. Other times He will inspire me to write or give me pictures of myself and Him dancing etc.. Other times I feel free to write a novel of complaints… worries and fears.

      Haha, if you knew me well you would be surprised by this… Sometimes I don’t say a word, I just sit with Him! ;P (In case my inference wasn’t clear, I mean to say that I really like to talk)

      I promise that when you spend time with Him you won’t be disappointed. I can’t say how He will speak to you exactly because He speaks to all of us differently! He has created You just the way you are and knows what You need to hear and how you need to hear it. Your job is simply to ask Him to reveal Himself and to wait. He longs to speak with you. ❤

      Another point you may find interesting and worth some ponderance:

      I'm not sure if you've thought this way but I have… I've wondered, well why God do I need to be close to You? Why can't I just live my life the way I want to? Why do I have to suffer? Truth of the matter is that suffering draws us close to God and developing a relationship with God is ultimately the best thing for us.

      To be clear: God does NOT cause the suffering. However, He allows it and turns it on it's head for our growth. He uses very dark things for the good of the person experiencing them. Like with us and our situations… my gosh.. After I gave my garbage family situation to Him He started to mend my heart. Not only that but inside my heart He placed such a great empathy and compassion on those who are experiencing hardship.

      Back on Topic:
      In my own life I've found that all other relationships pour from the one relationship I have with Father God. He has made us for relationship. He is a trinitarian God, three in one. The three live in perfect love and harmony. We are made in His image and desire this intimacy with others. Unfortunately, people are not perfect. We hurt each other.. especially with words. In light of our needs and our family/friends/our failure's this is where God's role becomes so prevalent. We desire that perfect relationship. We long to be encouraged and upheld. We want more than anything to be loved…

      God provides this perfect relationship for us. Jesus allowed His blood to be shed so we can have it. All we have to acknowledge is our need for it. All we need to do is let Him hold us.

      The more time we spend with Him, the more real and evident His presence becomes.

      When it comes to reading His word and understanding it.
      If we have given our lives over to Christ his Spirit, the counsellor, is living inside us. He is willing to guide us. But we must consult Him and ask Him questions. I suggest asking Him to reveal something about Himself, or your identity, to you before starting to read His Word.

      Much love to you my sister ❤

      Katie

      1. Thanks. I’ll try what you suggested about having a relationship with Him. I’ve grown up going to church, so although I know what to do in my head, I guess I havent really made it real in any other part of my life yet. Not that I haven’t tried… But I guess I’ll just try harder.

        And yeah.. Our society stinks a lot of the time :p

        Anyway- merry Christmas. Hope it’s great!

  3. I was doing so well.. I didn’t throw up yesterday like I thought I would want to, but today is a different story. I feel soo ugly. Please pray?

      1. Thanks.
        If you don’t mind me asking, were your teeth very damaged from your eating disorder? Mine dont seem too bad, but sometimes they hurt after a purge. I really am trying to stop though.

  4. I most definitely do not mind you asking me that!

    The damage wasn’t astronomical but it certainly didn’t do my teeth any favours.

    Is there any way I can message you? 🙂

    1. Okay- first of all- I’m sorry, I haven’t been completely honest with you- We actually do know each other, a little bit at least. I just wanted to be anonymous because I really want to keep this confidential. I know that sounds weird since I’m saying this on a blog, but if I told you who I am, would you be able to promise that you wouldnt say anything to anyone else? If that’s too much to ask dont worry about it at all, just stay anonymous and stop overloading your lovely blog with comments! Just let me know.
      Happy New years day. 😉

  5. My friend,

    If you decide to share more with me I promise not to spread what you’re going through with others, unless I believe it will be beneficial to you or the situation is extremely dire. Whatever information I am given I will be extremely careful to use it to my best discretion and utilize it only for your benefit. You may hold me to that. ❤

    Feel free to leave comments on this blog! Goodness me! It's a canvas for you to paint my friend.

    If you think it's beneficial for you to tell me who you are then that is fine. If you would rather stay anonymous I completely respect that as well. Just know that you can message me anytime. Please let me know how I can pray for, or legitimately be there for you to talk to (in person or whatever!) My door is always open.

    If you would like to e-mail me I will provide you with my e-mail address. 🙂

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